Defensive listening3/23/2023 ![]() We can, however, take responsibility for the utility and limitations of language to try to gain a better understanding of how we can communicate more effectively. It’s not people’s fault that language, both verbal and nonverbal, is an imperfect system. No doubt it was fairly recently, as it is for most people. Ask yourself when was the last time you had a miscommunication with someone. Knowing your team involves understanding others, and their perspectives, to see if they understand your words, examples, or the frames of reference you use to communicate your experiences, points and conclusions. This is the listening stage, where you create meaning based on previous experiences and contextual cues to make sense of the sounds. Once your brain receives the signals, then it starts to make sense to you. ![]() Your ears receive and transmit the information to your brain. Hearing involves the physiological process of recognizing sounds. Sometimes people mistake hearing for listening. Listening is anything but simple or easy. It requires our constant attention, maintenance, and effort. In this chapter we’ll discuss perspectives, and how people perceive information, as we learn how communication is an imperfect bridge to understanding each other. I might not “get it” because I don’t know you, your references, your perspectives, your word choices, your underlying meaning and motivation for speaking in the first place. Then, when I hear what you said, what you meant may escape me. You may have rehearsed your “lines” or what you want to say, and completing miss the turns and contributions in the conversation. In your own head, you may make sense of your words and their meaning. If you silently talk to yourself, the action is a reflection of the communication process, but you play the role of audience. While text messages and other distractions can be powerful, the most distracting voice by far is our own internal monologue. When group members interact, do you find yourself getting lost in your own thoughts. Each group member brings a valuable perspective, indeed a world, to contribute to the team. In order for us to work effectively as a group or team, we need to listen to each other, not just hear each other or wait for our turn to deliver a monologue, make our point, or convince others that we are right. In every head is a world.” For us to understand each other we have to listen, and make sense of each other’s perspectives. A Cuban saying captures it best: “Listening looks easy, but it’s not simple. Listening, therefore, involves making sense of what is shared with us, and can require all of our attention. Speaking or writing involves sharing your perspective with others. Communicating involves the translation of your thoughts and ideas to words.
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